I didn't even shed one tear

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I didn't even notice, it felt like any other Sunday. I mean, I don't know. I didn't allow myself the ability to notice. I slept and was with the family, we didn't talk about it. We never talk about it.

I am home safe and sound from a week in paradise. So not telling that, that child, that I was going to Costa Rica was not good. He was really mad. And I guess he had a right to be, someone who I had talked to everyday for 3 years, and have known for 6 years should deserve to know that I was leaving the country, but still, to be blatantly rude to me was just over the line. I think.

And while in Costa Rica I got into a fight that got me thinking, I did a lot of thinking. Someone said something to me about how I need to get over the death of my mother. That struck me hard and deep. I got up and walked away, I wasn't willing to have that conversation. I wasn't willing to even think about it in general on my own, so the fact that someone said it to me almost hurt. I still don't know how to feel about it. I don't feel like I will ever get over it, I may learn how to live with it, but to get over something like that, I would really have to be heartless.

Well there are only a few days left in my high school career, and that is so scary. I will be attending U of A in the fall and then if I get the grades required Northeastern will give my a spot as a sophomore for fall 2012. I can do it. I can get the grades, I'll do the work, I'll be in Boston in no time.

I don't know if I should put this on here because I am not sure of who reads this but why not, hell you only once. There is this boy, and I can't explain I share, I tell him things, and I don't do that often. Some of the people who probably feel like they know me really well don't. I have difficulties telling people things, well serious things, because I don't want it to seem like I am this big screw up who hasn't handled any of the issues I should have handled. I don't cry, and I especially don't cry in front of people, I may have the occasional breakdown in front of people but that's only because my breakdowns are pretty comical. But I tell him things, and for some crazy reason I am okay with it. I don't regret it afterwards. And I always fear that if people see the real Piri Lanes than that will push them away, and being by myself doesn't scare me, but being alone does.

Well I don't know. I think I should probably finish unpacking and fold my laundry, and stop thinking about everything. BLAH!

Okay. That's all.

Happy belated mother's day to all the wonderful beautiful fabulous inspirational women in my life.
Much love and happiness- Piri