Gonna Live and Die N-F-T-Y

A journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step. I will never get over the death of my mother, but i will learn to cope and breathe without her here. This past weekend I went on a youth group retreat, it was the most fun I've had in a long time. Yes there were a few times where I cried, but my wonderful friends just held me and let me cry, they knew it was cleansing. I have become back in contact with the boy, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, he acts as if all is good, and it worries me. What if the situation were reversed an I was the girlfriend, I keep thinking about it like that. If I were stronger I would call him out on it and end it right here, but the truth is, he is a familiar face, a face that has caused me pain, but also a lot of joy and laughter. I'm scared to lose him. My NFTY weekend was amazing, I had a blast. I hung out with my greatest friends, I had a really good time. It was hard packing up and leaving, and coming back to reality where everything sucks, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected. I assumed I would fight with dad about going to school this morning, but I didn't, I just got up and did what I needed to do. There are little things through out my day which remind me of my childhood, which in turn reminds me of mom. For instance today I crunched on dry leaves outside school, and it made me remember the fall afternoons with mom, and really made me miss her, but I hope that wherever she is, she isn't in pain, and she knows that we miss her dearly.