Just Watch Me.

Sitting there in history explaining to Lynda that I was going to take a boy hiatus, my phone buzzes. I look at it and it's a number I don't recognize, but I did recognize the area code. As I push view text, my heart was pounding, as the message loaded all these different thoughts and images raced through my head, the message loaded and it was three texts long, it was the apology and explanation I had been waiting for. As I sat there reading it over and over and over again, I couldn't bring myself to say I forgive you, I knew I should, I got what I wanted the apology and the reasoning, but I was still hurt. I waited a little while I composed myself and finally responded by saying, "Ok. So what's up?" I should have explained that I was still hurt, but I didn't want to go into that yet, I mean we hadn't spoken in two weeks. We had that basic conversation, I didn't want to ask about the other girl, and he didn't want to ask how I was holding up. He eventually did and I said I was just fine. I didn't ask about her. As I was laying in bed that night all I could think about was what had happened, and then it hit me, like a cinder block smashing on my head, nothing had happened, it had always been like this, just it was more obvious now than before, I had always been geographically undesirable because there was 900 miles between us! So I sat up and I declared that I wouldn't let this effect me anymore, I will still take my boy hiatus, and spend this wonderful long weekend with my loving aunt Deborah. Then this morning I woke up feeling better then I had in weeks, I still had a slight stomach ache, but that was cause I had a little bug. I felt wonderful, I got up and dressed, went to school had a good day, and then the group of us went out for lunch. I walked into Pei Wei feeling like nothing could hurt me anymore and then I looked around to see for open tables, and sitting there looking right back at me was the boy who I haven't spoken to since June, which was also the last time I saw him. He was the one who made me the horrible bitch I am. So obviously when I saw him I felt like throwing up, I thought I was going to puke all over the floor in Pei Wei, thankfully I was able to walk to my table, sit down, and avoid eye contact for the next 20 minutes. It was horrible. So now as I sit in my room looking at this horrible mess, knowing that it all has to be cleaned if I want to get onto my 4:20 pm flight to San Diego, I must go. So hope everyone has a great long weekend.
xoxo