Haiti

Just a side note, I am very worried about the people of Haiti, so please everyone try and donate something. Every penny helps. you can call The Red Cross and donate over the phone, the number is 1-800-RED-CROSS. Thank you

Hot Chocolate and Snow Angels

If I lived somewhere other than Arizona I would be playing in the snow right now, but instead I'm getting soaked running to my car from wherever I am. I like the rain, don't get me wrong, but it's always nice to see snow. Snow just has this beauty that I'm drawn to. I wish I was in the snow, without a care in the world frolicking around like a little child, but I'm not a little child, I must wake up and go to school. On the subject of school, I hate it. I love the people, the teachers, the drama, all of it, but I HATE school, the act of going and learning just doesn't work for me, and don't get me started about how wrong I think it is that they can grade us on our ability to learn, I think that's just simply inhumane. As for the boy, I don't know. Last night Rachel and I went out to dinner and all we did was sit there and vent about boys for an hour, and when either of our phones rang we both jumped and hoped, or prayed that it would be him. See she wears her heart on her sleeve so I know how to handle her, but me, I'm just a mess up, I have walls for a reason, I choose to keep people out, it makes things easier, less to explain. Well to end this on a happy note, I have an audition today. I'm going to get back into the acting gig, I love it so much. Have a happy, healthy day. Piri

Just Watch Me.

Sitting there in history explaining to Lynda that I was going to take a boy hiatus, my phone buzzes. I look at it and it's a number I don't recognize, but I did recognize the area code. As I push view text, my heart was pounding, as the message loaded all these different thoughts and images raced through my head, the message loaded and it was three texts long, it was the apology and explanation I had been waiting for. As I sat there reading it over and over and over again, I couldn't bring myself to say I forgive you, I knew I should, I got what I wanted the apology and the reasoning, but I was still hurt. I waited a little while I composed myself and finally responded by saying, "Ok. So what's up?" I should have explained that I was still hurt, but I didn't want to go into that yet, I mean we hadn't spoken in two weeks. We had that basic conversation, I didn't want to ask about the other girl, and he didn't want to ask how I was holding up. He eventually did and I said I was just fine. I didn't ask about her. As I was laying in bed that night all I could think about was what had happened, and then it hit me, like a cinder block smashing on my head, nothing had happened, it had always been like this, just it was more obvious now than before, I had always been geographically undesirable because there was 900 miles between us! So I sat up and I declared that I wouldn't let this effect me anymore, I will still take my boy hiatus, and spend this wonderful long weekend with my loving aunt Deborah. Then this morning I woke up feeling better then I had in weeks, I still had a slight stomach ache, but that was cause I had a little bug. I felt wonderful, I got up and dressed, went to school had a good day, and then the group of us went out for lunch. I walked into Pei Wei feeling like nothing could hurt me anymore and then I looked around to see for open tables, and sitting there looking right back at me was the boy who I haven't spoken to since June, which was also the last time I saw him. He was the one who made me the horrible bitch I am. So obviously when I saw him I felt like throwing up, I thought I was going to puke all over the floor in Pei Wei, thankfully I was able to walk to my table, sit down, and avoid eye contact for the next 20 minutes. It was horrible. So now as I sit in my room looking at this horrible mess, knowing that it all has to be cleaned if I want to get onto my 4:20 pm flight to San Diego, I must go. So hope everyone has a great long weekend.
xoxo

It's like all 50 states are lined up one by one

While on the phone with my aunt today, I told her it was as if all 50 states were lined up one by one making it very hard to see each other. I try to talk to my aunts at least once a week, if that is through text, or phone call, or even facebook, I don't want the distance to keep us apart. I'm not sure what everything looks like right now, I have good days and bad days, I have good weeks and bad weeks, and sometimes I just need a break. I'm learning how to express my needs by saying what I need and not just getting upset when no one understands that I just need to be left alone. Hope this week brings wonderful new exciting experiences.

The Quote

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't."

I know understand why mother isn't here. Her work was complete. She touched the lives of many, changed the way people looked at things, and helped anyone she could. While in the hospital fighting for her own life, she made note cards, to brighten the day of other patients lives. She was a wonderful woman, and I miss her dearly. So mom, wherever you are, if you can see this, I love you so very much, and I'm sorry I didn't say it more often. I love you.

I survived swine '09

And 2010 has started off with a bang! Only three days back into school, and I have way too much homework, way too much stress, and way too many people I'm dealing with. I'm learning that I don't have to please everyone, but pleasing some is always beneficial. I'm getting back into the acting gig, I have an audition next week. And the SAT's. Crap. Those are going to be at 7"45 am, if I don't fail cause I didn't know the information, I'll fail cause it was just way to early to be having tests.

In life you have to try new things, so today I tried walking with my show laces tied together. So as you can imagine I looked like an idiot, and it didn't work. But I tried, and that was the point. What did you try today?

Hope everyone is having a great year, and everything is coming along nicely. Much love to my east coast family who I miss dearly.

Getting back into the swing of things

School is a six letter word for hell. As much as I love my teachers and friends, I absolutely despise the fact that I have to be graded on my knowledge. I do not think it's fair. I may not have the brains of a five year old, but I for sure don't have the brains of Albert Einstein. I do try, but it's hard to see that I try because I just fail at school. I ace the homework and presentations, but when it comes to the tests, oy, I'm a basket case. The only up side to school is the fact that I can sit around and hang with my friends and take my anger out on Alan. I went to a dinner meeting tonight for the Phoenix Theater and it was absolutely fantastic, I loved it. I think I am going to pick up acting again, I do miss it. Well until later. Arrivederci!

Life is like...

Sudoku. Everything works in the end, but it takes a few try's to get there. Today we went horseback riding, I had a blast. All I did was breathe and clear my head, it was wonderful. There are so many things I want to do with my life, that I'm starting to worry I wont be able to do any of them because there wont be enough time. I think I am going to try and talk dad into letting me do a six week summer program abroad, but I'm not sure. As for the boy, I'm figuring it out. I have the support of my wonderful family, and the constant encouragement from my cousin Danielle. I have been living in Arizona for 8 years now, that doesn't work for me. I need to move along. There are so many places I want to see that if I stay in one place for too long, I'll eventually lose the chance. It may sound like I am running away from things, but in reality I'm not. I just like change, it keeps things interesting. And for those of you who don't know me, I love when things are interesting. That's why I draw dinosaurs on my wall, and fish on my mirror. So go find your interesting thing and go for it!

The Saturday after

They say you are supposed to make each moment last, don't take anything for granted, and live like there's no tomorrow. Well I usually live my life like this, but lately I have been wondering if that really is the best idea. Take for example telling someone you are extremely mad at them, well it feels good in that second, but then the next day when you don't talk, it REALLY hurts. I don't think before i do things. If I'm mad at someone I tell them, but then I am disappointed or hurt when we don't talk the next day. It is a very interesting problem, because not living in the moment means I'll wait around, but living in the moment means sometimes I'll regret what I just did. I wonder if I will figure it out eventually.

And then there were none

As the cars start to pull away, and the folding chairs start closing, you know it's done. The family has all left, and the house is to quite. The Happy New Year's texts and Facebook messages have slowed and the new year has begone. I am spending today cleaning my room, because I would rather not start the year messy. I'm not sure what this year looks like for me. I plan on making it special, I will make it a point to just go, to not hold back, to make each day count. Cause really, what other way is there to live? As someone said, "Shoot for the moon, cause even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." Have a happy healthy safe wonderful 2010.