Trying

December 9, 2009
Yesterday I went to the therapist. I was getting better but lately I've been going back down the path of jut being tired, not wanting to get up in the morning, not wanting to go to sleep at night, not wanting to eat, basically grieving. I have that one bright spot in my life that has kept me from driving off the road, but I don't want to depend on someone to keep me from hurting myself, I just want to be ok. I want a bereavement leave, I just want to take two weeks off of school, forget the stress of chemistry and Spanish, and just relax. Refind my footing, breathe a little easier and just slowly patch up my the holes in my body. How come kids don't get a bereavment leave? My dad makes me get up every morning and go to school, it's not fair that he got "as much time as he needed off of work" an I have to go to school everyday. School makes me worse. I'm stressed here, there are too many things I'm trying to handle, because I feel like I have to make sure everyones ok, even though I'm the baby of the group, I have to make sure everyone else is ok, I love having us all eat lunch together and making everyone sandwhiches so we can ave a picnic. An I try to do everything, if I'm one step ahead of everyone, nothing bad can happen to me. I guess that's not true.