Summertime

The wind is blowing, the mixed smell of sunscreen and ocean water fill my nose. I love it. I always have. Summer is when I can let loose and run in the sand and not wear makeup because I'm so tan and it's okay to be natural. Summer is when I am me. That's how it has always been.
As of this afternoon I have taken 14 airplane rides in the glorious year of 2011, tomorrow it will be 15 rides.
I travel a lot, probably more than most people. But traveling is how I get away from everything. I go and I just do. Whether it's transatlantic or just an express flight to California. I get away, and that's what I need. Here, in Arizona, I feel like people look at me as the "girl with a dead mom" people still tip toe around bringing up their mom's in front of me. My favorite is when people forget and say, "your mom" cause my response is, "my mom's dead" the faces I get are priceless. But the fact that Arizona holds this grudge against me, and purposefully makes me miserable, well it's just unfair. I am not the girl with a dead mom, yes I have a mother who passed away, but that doesn't define me, and just because I don't cry about it, doesn't mean it still doesn't kill me everyday. It hurts. It hurts more than I can imagine. I hate it. I hate the heartless person I have become. I can't even say I love you to the people that need to hear it the most.
I know I'm not ideal. But I'm not horrible, I'm not intentionally hurtful, it's merely a defense mechanism.
School starts in a month. And that scares me more than anything. I don't want to go. I want to go back to Paris. OH! I went to London and Paris! My dad took me as a graduation present. I had planned this trip with my mom when I was like 7 and I watched Parent Trap, the parents met on the Q2, and my mom told me that her mom took her on the Q2 for her graduation present, so my mom said she would take me. Little change of plans, so my dad took me. it was great and wonderful, and we saw Les Miserable and Billy Elliot and everything wonderful a to see in Paris we saw. I fell in love with Paris, that's where I want to be.
As for all those boys, they're dumb.
Hope summer is treating everyone nicely! Wear that sunscreen!