Here's the thing...

Yesterday when I posted I didn't say everything I needed to say.

That stupid boy, well knew me before I was "that girl with a sick mom" and then when she died, he didn't treat me as "that girl whose mom just died of cancer" he treated me like the Piri he knew before everything happened. And when my mom did die, and I shut everything out, he didn't budge, he stayed, he didn't tip toe around my feelings and try to soften the blow, he was straight with me, he would say, "yeah this sucks" and it did, it was the worst time in my life. But when I talk to him, when I see his face and I get to laugh, I am the happiest person ever, I'm kind and loving, and for those next few days I wear a smile that nothing can match. He is my best friend, and the thought of him not being in my life scares me. He's the only person who still knows me since before my mom got sick, that has to stand for something. I know it sounds high school, and it is, but he makes me happy. He is one of the people I want to know for my whole life. I just wish I could have my mom here to talk all this out with, I wish I had the courage to tell him all of this, and above all, I hope and pray that one day I'll be able to say how I feel to everyone, and not worry that what I say will ruin everything. People think I'm strong and able to fight, but that wall is starting to crumble really fast, and it scares to even think about what is going to happen when it completely crashes.

Thanks.