Here's the thing...

Yesterday when I posted I didn't say everything I needed to say.

That stupid boy, well knew me before I was "that girl with a sick mom" and then when she died, he didn't treat me as "that girl whose mom just died of cancer" he treated me like the Piri he knew before everything happened. And when my mom did die, and I shut everything out, he didn't budge, he stayed, he didn't tip toe around my feelings and try to soften the blow, he was straight with me, he would say, "yeah this sucks" and it did, it was the worst time in my life. But when I talk to him, when I see his face and I get to laugh, I am the happiest person ever, I'm kind and loving, and for those next few days I wear a smile that nothing can match. He is my best friend, and the thought of him not being in my life scares me. He's the only person who still knows me since before my mom got sick, that has to stand for something. I know it sounds high school, and it is, but he makes me happy. He is one of the people I want to know for my whole life. I just wish I could have my mom here to talk all this out with, I wish I had the courage to tell him all of this, and above all, I hope and pray that one day I'll be able to say how I feel to everyone, and not worry that what I say will ruin everything. People think I'm strong and able to fight, but that wall is starting to crumble really fast, and it scares to even think about what is going to happen when it completely crashes.

Thanks.

What Have I Gotten Myself Into.

There is a saying that goes, "Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about." There is also a saying that says, "Don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you."
It's all so high school, so juvenile. I am disgusted by my high school thought process. I sit around pulling my hair out over the stupidest shit I could possibly imagine. It's times like these, days like today, that I just wish I could go and talk with my mother, she knew it all. Prom is in a few weeks, 58 days to be exact. That stupid boy is actually planning on driving out for it. If that actually happens I will be so shocked that I think I will actually pass out. It's not that I don't have faith, it's just that promises are merely words, anyone can say anything, it doesn't have to be a true statement.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE! Danielle & Phil are coming to visit! I think that is the most exciting news of the year! Danielle will finally be able to fully meet The Boy, which I have to say is pretty exciting. The Lanes family switched to Verizon so now we all have Droids, basically I just sit there and stare at mine cause I have no idea how in the world to work it. And as Nikki so kindly put, my phone is smarter than I am.

Hope everyone had a fabulous Valentines Day!
Keep it classy Scottsdale,
xoxo