What Have I Gotten Myself Into.

There is a saying that goes, "Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about." There is also a saying that says, "Don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you."
It's all so high school, so juvenile. I am disgusted by my high school thought process. I sit around pulling my hair out over the stupidest shit I could possibly imagine. It's times like these, days like today, that I just wish I could go and talk with my mother, she knew it all. Prom is in a few weeks, 58 days to be exact. That stupid boy is actually planning on driving out for it. If that actually happens I will be so shocked that I think I will actually pass out. It's not that I don't have faith, it's just that promises are merely words, anyone can say anything, it doesn't have to be a true statement.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE! Danielle & Phil are coming to visit! I think that is the most exciting news of the year! Danielle will finally be able to fully meet The Boy, which I have to say is pretty exciting. The Lanes family switched to Verizon so now we all have Droids, basically I just sit there and stare at mine cause I have no idea how in the world to work it. And as Nikki so kindly put, my phone is smarter than I am.

Hope everyone had a fabulous Valentines Day!
Keep it classy Scottsdale,
xoxo

I just like knowing the ending...

Well it's 2011! For a few days into the new year I said I was going to be a hippie, that lasted a dreadlock and a few days. I love free will ways, but I also love my Coach purse (which my wonderful father surprised me with in NYC). Speaking on NYC I just got home on Sunday from Grandma's 80th Birthday Bash! we had a lot of fun, I really enjoyed seeing all my wonderful cousins.
I have 128 days until graduation. I am very nervous to say the least, Northeastern University is my dream, and even though I was deferred to regular decision, I'm not giving up.
Prom is basically ready, I have my dress and I've begone the appointments. As upperclassmen the senior and junior classes are going to Costa Rica so thats exciting...what else what else?
OH! We are probably getting a new puppy and that is very exciting.
Well I suppose I have stalled long enough...
I got some tough information at the beginning of this year, I'm still not sure how I am taking it, but it is really difficult losing trust in someone who means so much to you. There are always people in your life that you just assume are telling you the truth, and will always tell you the truth, and when you find out there have been multiple lies, it hurts. A lot. I have fully recognized that I have not dealt with my mother's death, I have barely touched on it. I see her face all over, I don't actually think she's dead. If she were here though she would make my life a whole lot easier, she was definitely one of my very best friends, and I miss her more everyday because there are so many things I want to talk to her about, she would cushion the blow for when I'd talk to dad. But life is life, I've had to grow up a lot in the past few years, I had one great semester of high school, I made great grades, and I worked hard, I'm proud. There are so many things that I wanted to say, I just can't remember them now. I know, that no matter what, I am wonderful, no matter how fat I am haha.
Speaking of being fat, I am going to the gym very often, I am determined to lose 20 pounds before prom. Who knows how well that will go. There is a lot I don't know, and I am not afraid to say that, I just wish I was able to know the ending. I think that's why I like re-watching movies, I like to know the ending.
Well I think that is it for today, hope every one is having a phenomenal 2011!
xoxo
Piri

College, ugh.

I'm unsure about how I approach difficulties. I sometimes run, hide, cry, it just depends on the day. But when someone says "Piri, I need you to cancel all your plans because I need your help" I stop and help, it's not a difficulty it's just something I need to do. Lots of times in my life I have been thrown a curve ball, ya I try and catch it, but I never do, it skims my shoulder, hits me in the face, gets me I'm the stomach and knocks me out. It just depends on the day. I have weeks where it literally just feels like I am constantly being attacked my 100mph fast balls, but no one ever knows. I wonder, don't they see me, losing my breath, unable to take the next step, the bruises forming on my body, and yet no one does. I hide it well. I always have. It comes with the territory of knowing how to act. I know how to put on make up so well that I could have just been crying so hard snot was rolling down my face, and no one would know. You may say you would, but I've covered it up many times before. I try not to be upset my the fact no one notices, but really I should be proud, I can cover it up. I stress about the little things now, like what pencil am I going to use today, what drink will I take for lunch. I've given up the large things, my bedroom, my car, my life kinda, it's not worth the fight. And lately when those assholes just piss me off, all I can do is scream. I'm not sure what the next six months looks like. But we will sure as hell find out. But I guess that's the point, every difficulty every obstacle is different. You need to know how to handle that one, specifically.

As if you need it in writing.

Well I just returned home from Camp Swift and I am getting ready to begin my senior year of high school.

Camp Swift was such an experience!
Basically, I got married, renewed my vows, got a bug stuck in my ear, and, oh yeah, cried a bunch. As Rachel said, "I could have flooded all the places that are in a drought."

This summer was good, well it was wonderful. I got to go to Panama, I got to see my wonderful amazing family, and I got to go be the biggest role model in a kids life. It was a great summer.

East coast was fun, it was so nice having Aliya and Sam there. No one was really sure they were going to make it, so when they did arrive, it was wonderful. Then going on all those college tours, well that was sort of stressful. I like the idea of college, and living on my own, but it scares me so badly to think about leaving home, because if I leave, what will happen to my place here?

College is my newest stress. I swear I am going to have an ever present cold sore for the entire semester! But I'm getting there. It's just really stressful.

Daddy and I went shopping and that was very nice, there was no stress. But now school starts on Monday and I still haven't taken me and Tyler to the uniform school. So that is also a new stress.

I am taking the ACT again on the 11th and I feel like that is a slightly bad omen, but it is necessary.
Well I will update soon, promise.

Keep it classy
-Piri

Can we pretend that airplanes and shooting stars...

I don't like airplanes, or really any moving device that I'm not in control of. But I love traveling. The thrill of leaving everything I have for just a few weeks. I've never been good at explaining my infatuation with travel, it's been like this for as long as I can remember. When I was younger and airplane security wasn't so strict, I used to go up to the cockpit and talk to the pilots, they were always so nice to me and I loved being there, it made me feel superior. As of right now I am on flight 1007 nonstop to Arizona from Miami, I'm on my way home from my two week internship with UNICEF in Panama City. I had such a wonderful experience, I grew so much, I saw that no matter where I go, if I don't feel and take in where I am, it won't make a difference in my life. One of the things I did there was going to the Ancient City with Debora and her husband Giovanni (who taught me how to cook) the Ancient City was the most beautiful place I've seen. It amazed me to think that sooo many years ago, before my great great grandparents were even ideas, there were people, 17 year old girls, dealing with stupid boys, stupid rules and probably stupid lessons. No matter how long this world has spun there has always been someone in a somewhat similar situation to mine. As for everything else in my life? Well I got my ACT score back, father dearest was extremely proud, but I think I could have done better, except on the test day I made a bet with whoever was listening to me in my head and the deal was if I got 24 or above I wouldn't take it again, so now I am stuck at a crossroad. I really don't like breaking the agreements I make with myself or whoever it is that listens. But The Boy you ask, well I think I'm going to take a little break from that, it's stressful enough dating in the same zip code, I have no idea why I decided a different state would be any better, and I think until I figure everything out, I'm going to put our friendship on hold too. I know I cause issues for my father, and I know I make things difficult by lashing out at him when it's really myself I'm mad at, but someone once said that you aren't afraid to hurt the ones you love, because they'll always love you, no matter what. And I think that goes for my father as well, when I spend too much, or say thank you too little, or even forget to make my bed, he will always love me, and even when he is upset with me for everything, and just "raises his voice" I will always love him too. Aw how sweet, I just got teary eyed. Well that's all for now, the plane is landing and I have to turn off all my electronic devices.
Hope summer is treating you well! Don't forget your sunscreen. Lobster pink looks attractive on no one.
-Piri

What's going down in Guatemala

I just had a very interesting talk with the woman I'm staying with. We discussed the child trafficking in Guatemala, it was truly repulsive hearing that these people steal children from their homes, and from mothers' belly's and then sell them into adoption. There are lawyers and many people behind it so it cannot be stopped, hospitals are corrupt and the people behind this as well as the government are too.

So let's start brainstorming and figure out a way to end this. Any ideas?

Panama

I am sitting in the directors office of UNICEF- Tacro! this is such an experience, the humidity is totally killing me, but i am having a wonderful time.

watch the panama diaries on facebook!