The thingy on my head is gone! we named it Steve, it was gross. Babs, the wonderful nurse, gave me a bajillion shots into my head so the actual procedure didn't hurt, but those shots sucked! Uncle Jeff and Daddy were great. They made sure I took slow even breaths, even though I really wish mom had been there, they did a good job. Plus Dr. Patel was so good he didn't even have to shave my head!
So in case you haven't heard, me and my best guy friend are gonna go to prom. It'll be so fun. I won't dress about looking ridiculously good, and since he's my bestie, he won't try to feel me up.
I am right now sitting in the airport getting ready to board my flight to go see my amazing godmother/aunt/rafiki, KATHE! and her wonderful children. I wish my aunt Traci was going to be there, but she is with her grandmother Muz, and I am sending her all the love and energy I have. So in going to see my aunt Kathe there is one thing I am slightly worried about. Kathe has some of mom's ashes...I am worried I'll be creeped out by them.
Well my flight is boarding, hope everyone wears something green today!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Some of my favorite quotes
"anyone can give up, its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, now that's true strength"
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross."
“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”
“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.”
"in a world where you can be anything, be yourself"
"I wish my mom would have told me the same thing about guys as she did about horror movies... don't worry, they're all fake."
"All men are created equal. No matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words." Harvey Milk
"I believe in pink, and I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and i believe in miracles." -Audrey Hepburn
"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think,all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read,and all the friends I want to see." John Burroughs
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross."
“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”
“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.”
"in a world where you can be anything, be yourself"
"I wish my mom would have told me the same thing about guys as she did about horror movies... don't worry, they're all fake."
"All men are created equal. No matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words." Harvey Milk
"I believe in pink, and I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and i believe in miracles." -Audrey Hepburn
"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think,all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read,and all the friends I want to see." John Burroughs
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Birthday!
Today my baby brother turned 11. I remember the day he was born so clearly. My aunt Kathe was in for his birth. His due date was March 11th, but since Tyler and I were born on full moons, Kathe decided Jackson would be born on the 3rd and she would leave the 11th. And since Kathe willed it, it happened, he was born underwater at the birthing center in Seattle, Washington. I know mom would have loved to be here, but she made it to his 10th, so she got to see the double digits.
So today after school I went to the gym. I weighed my self after my work out and I was utterly disgusted with the number. I will not say what it was because it is just to horrible to write down, it made me cringe. I now plan to follow a strict diet, of sleep, healthy eating, and exercise.
Here's how I am towards The Boy, "No matter how many times I get hurt because of you, I won't leave you. Because even if I have 100 reasons to leave you, I'll look for that 1 reason to fight for you."
This pretty much sums it up to a T. He can be the biggest ass to me, and I'll still keep him around, and it's because he is my familiar face that brightens my day and makes me smile. I hate it. I hate what he does to me. I'm really hating a lot of things lately.
I knit. I think I am becoming a bitter old lady.
Go clean something. Just kidding.
So today after school I went to the gym. I weighed my self after my work out and I was utterly disgusted with the number. I will not say what it was because it is just to horrible to write down, it made me cringe. I now plan to follow a strict diet, of sleep, healthy eating, and exercise.
Here's how I am towards The Boy, "No matter how many times I get hurt because of you, I won't leave you. Because even if I have 100 reasons to leave you, I'll look for that 1 reason to fight for you."
This pretty much sums it up to a T. He can be the biggest ass to me, and I'll still keep him around, and it's because he is my familiar face that brightens my day and makes me smile. I hate it. I hate what he does to me. I'm really hating a lot of things lately.
I knit. I think I am becoming a bitter old lady.
Go clean something. Just kidding.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Forever?
Footsteps pounding, heartbeat racing, fear rising
You hear the voice that is said to do you no harm
you ask the question you already know the answer to, "Did she make it?" With a quick tear the voice says no
You can't cry, you can't even breathe. all you're able to do is stare. Stare into the nothingness that was once your everything.
Eventually the tears release, one by one they fall. With each tear apart of you leaves. The realization occurs. She is gone.
The phone calls begin, the doorbell is a constant back round noise. The hustle and bustle of people are no longer important, because the only footsteps you want to hear are gone.
The crowd begins to assemble. You preform the greatest mitzvah, the greatest good deed. Bury the dead. You slowly shovel 1, 2, 3 scoops of dirt onto the box of ashes that was once the person that gave you life. Your mother.
Piri Lanes 2/23/2010
You hear the voice that is said to do you no harm
you ask the question you already know the answer to, "Did she make it?" With a quick tear the voice says no
You can't cry, you can't even breathe. all you're able to do is stare. Stare into the nothingness that was once your everything.
Eventually the tears release, one by one they fall. With each tear apart of you leaves. The realization occurs. She is gone.
The phone calls begin, the doorbell is a constant back round noise. The hustle and bustle of people are no longer important, because the only footsteps you want to hear are gone.
The crowd begins to assemble. You preform the greatest mitzvah, the greatest good deed. Bury the dead. You slowly shovel 1, 2, 3 scoops of dirt onto the box of ashes that was once the person that gave you life. Your mother.
Piri Lanes 2/23/2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Eloise
For those of you who don't know, my first car was a white Ford Explorer that we named Bruce. Bruce is very old and yesterday we sold him, well traded him in. We swapped him out for a black Honda Fit that we just named Eloise. She is perfect, she is small like me, and she is just wonderful. But I do miss Bruce, I cried when I gave over the keys.
On a separate note, my mothers sisters are planning a vacation for us girls. I am going to be careful how I word this because they read this.
Lately I have been having a hard time, for no reason in particular, but I am finding it hard for me to want to be apart of this trip, when I know this was something my mother always wanted us to do. I would have a wonderful time and I do not doubt that, but I would not like being there without her, and I am trying to figure out how to be apart of it, because I want to be. I want to be apart of her side, I want to have that connection, but I see her in them, and it makes it hard for me to be there. I do love them all with my entire heart, but I am unsure about everything right now...
New topic? OK! Well The Boy is The Boy, it is so unnerving to talk to him, I just want to yell at him most of the time. I don't I act like a perfect lady. But one of my friends from school, Kelsey, is trying to come out here and surprise me for my birthday. I know it doesn't sound like much of a surprise when I know about it, but it won't happen, so if it does it will be a HUGE surprise.
I love my aunts, I love my cousins, I love my entire family.
xoxo
Piri
On a separate note, my mothers sisters are planning a vacation for us girls. I am going to be careful how I word this because they read this.
Lately I have been having a hard time, for no reason in particular, but I am finding it hard for me to want to be apart of this trip, when I know this was something my mother always wanted us to do. I would have a wonderful time and I do not doubt that, but I would not like being there without her, and I am trying to figure out how to be apart of it, because I want to be. I want to be apart of her side, I want to have that connection, but I see her in them, and it makes it hard for me to be there. I do love them all with my entire heart, but I am unsure about everything right now...
New topic? OK! Well The Boy is The Boy, it is so unnerving to talk to him, I just want to yell at him most of the time. I don't I act like a perfect lady. But one of my friends from school, Kelsey, is trying to come out here and surprise me for my birthday. I know it doesn't sound like much of a surprise when I know about it, but it won't happen, so if it does it will be a HUGE surprise.
I love my aunts, I love my cousins, I love my entire family.
xoxo
Piri
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Seriously?
It is another Wednesday afternoon at the Lanes house. Tyler is at piano, Jackson is at Hebrew school, Dad is with Natalie, and I just got home from tutoring.
Yesterday I had vocal rehearsal, the voice teacher Satyam, sells jewelry. I found a beautiful bracelet that I fell in love with. I bought it and the quote on it says, "When you see only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you." This is a bible quote, I'm Jewish, but I love it anyway! Valentines day was the six month mark for mom being gone. Last night I had a dream that she met The Boy, it was really nice.
I have a birthmark on my head that isn't causing to much panic to the doctors, but I am having it removed, I will be sedated and getting, I believe 18 or so stitches. They are shaving part of my head, and I will have a crescent moon shaped scar (I'm kind of excited for it).
Well I must go work on the history packet, I will drop in later to fully elaborate on my life!
xoxo
Piri
Yesterday I had vocal rehearsal, the voice teacher Satyam, sells jewelry. I found a beautiful bracelet that I fell in love with. I bought it and the quote on it says, "When you see only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you." This is a bible quote, I'm Jewish, but I love it anyway! Valentines day was the six month mark for mom being gone. Last night I had a dream that she met The Boy, it was really nice.
I have a birthmark on my head that isn't causing to much panic to the doctors, but I am having it removed, I will be sedated and getting, I believe 18 or so stitches. They are shaving part of my head, and I will have a crescent moon shaped scar (I'm kind of excited for it).
Well I must go work on the history packet, I will drop in later to fully elaborate on my life!
xoxo
Piri
Monday, February 8, 2010
Gonna Live and Die N-F-T-Y
A journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step. I will never get over the death of my mother, but i will learn to cope and breathe without her here. This past weekend I went on a youth group retreat, it was the most fun I've had in a long time. Yes there were a few times where I cried, but my wonderful friends just held me and let me cry, they knew it was cleansing. I have become back in contact with the boy, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, he acts as if all is good, and it worries me. What if the situation were reversed an I was the girlfriend, I keep thinking about it like that. If I were stronger I would call him out on it and end it right here, but the truth is, he is a familiar face, a face that has caused me pain, but also a lot of joy and laughter. I'm scared to lose him. My NFTY weekend was amazing, I had a blast. I hung out with my greatest friends, I had a really good time. It was hard packing up and leaving, and coming back to reality where everything sucks, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected. I assumed I would fight with dad about going to school this morning, but I didn't, I just got up and did what I needed to do. There are little things through out my day which remind me of my childhood, which in turn reminds me of mom. For instance today I crunched on dry leaves outside school, and it made me remember the fall afternoons with mom, and really made me miss her, but I hope that wherever she is, she isn't in pain, and she knows that we miss her dearly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
