I am in the end of this article. They interviewed me for the show.

http://www.azcentral.com/community/scottsdale/articles/2010/04/26/20100426sr-musical0424.html

Where did all the time go?

I know that it is rude to change plans, an I am aware it is not liked when you just decided not to let the other person know you changed the plan. Though lately, and by lately I mean since August 14, 2009, I haven't wanted to report back, or alert people, mainly my father, when I have changed my plans. I have always been free spirited, but it has recently gotten much worse. I feel that I am my own person, so I shouldn't have to report back to anyone. It's a horrible things, an I don't know how to fix it.

On a separate note, junior prom 2010 was last night, very fun. We all got ready at my house, then went to Kelsey's to take pictures and the white stretch Escalade 30 seater limo picked us up. We had a great night, an I am 100% positive I would go crazy without these girls.

Happy almost summer :)

I wont give it a title because it doesn't belong to me nor do i belong to it.

There is just this ever present annoyance that lingers over my head ready to strike at any given time.

I can't do anything without, at some point, wanting to rip someone's head off.

So I went and visited mom today, it was closing time so the guy kept circling around until I walked back to my car and left, that annoyed me. Then I was happily taking a bath and then was called in for dinner, so that annoyed me, I am just all around annoyed. UGH!

Well father dearest booked my flight for Panama so I am happy about that, but I signed up for the SAT's again an I am totally stressing about that, considering the SAT day is the Saturday of my show...so we shall see how that goes.

Prom is next weekend, and Spring Kallah is this weekend, so I am very ready for those two things, even though prom is stressful, I still have no idea what dress I am wearing, so that's a pain. But I am very excited to see David Strauss who I love dearly.
Well I am in an odd mood an I don't feel like writing anymore, so adios!

Steve.

The thingy on my head is gone! we named it Steve, it was gross. Babs, the wonderful nurse, gave me a bajillion shots into my head so the actual procedure didn't hurt, but those shots sucked! Uncle Jeff and Daddy were great. They made sure I took slow even breaths, even though I really wish mom had been there, they did a good job. Plus Dr. Patel was so good he didn't even have to shave my head!

So in case you haven't heard, me and my best guy friend are gonna go to prom. It'll be so fun. I won't dress about looking ridiculously good, and since he's my bestie, he won't try to feel me up.

I am right now sitting in the airport getting ready to board my flight to go see my amazing godmother/aunt/rafiki, KATHE! and her wonderful children. I wish my aunt Traci was going to be there, but she is with her grandmother Muz, and I am sending her all the love and energy I have. So in going to see my aunt Kathe there is one thing I am slightly worried about. Kathe has some of mom's ashes...I am worried I'll be creeped out by them.

Well my flight is boarding, hope everyone wears something green today!

Some of my favorite quotes

"anyone can give up, its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, now that's true strength"

"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross."

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”

“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”

“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.”

"in a world where you can be anything, be yourself"

"I wish my mom would have told me the same thing about guys as she did about horror movies... don't worry, they're all fake."

"All men are created equal. No matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words." Harvey Milk

"I believe in pink, and I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and i believe in miracles." -Audrey Hepburn

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think,all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read,and all the friends I want to see." John Burroughs

Birthday!

Today my baby brother turned 11. I remember the day he was born so clearly. My aunt Kathe was in for his birth. His due date was March 11th, but since Tyler and I were born on full moons, Kathe decided Jackson would be born on the 3rd and she would leave the 11th. And since Kathe willed it, it happened, he was born underwater at the birthing center in Seattle, Washington. I know mom would have loved to be here, but she made it to his 10th, so she got to see the double digits.

So today after school I went to the gym. I weighed my self after my work out and I was utterly disgusted with the number. I will not say what it was because it is just to horrible to write down, it made me cringe. I now plan to follow a strict diet, of sleep, healthy eating, and exercise.

Here's how I am towards The Boy, "No matter how many times I get hurt because of you, I won't leave you. Because even if I have 100 reasons to leave you, I'll look for that 1 reason to fight for you."
This pretty much sums it up to a T. He can be the biggest ass to me, and I'll still keep him around, and it's because he is my familiar face that brightens my day and makes me smile. I hate it. I hate what he does to me. I'm really hating a lot of things lately.

I knit. I think I am becoming a bitter old lady.

Go clean something. Just kidding.

Forever?

Footsteps pounding, heartbeat racing, fear rising

You hear the voice that is said to do you no harm

you ask the question you already know the answer to, "Did she make it?" With a quick tear the voice says no

You can't cry, you can't even breathe. all you're able to do is stare. Stare into the nothingness that was once your everything.

Eventually the tears release, one by one they fall. With each tear apart of you leaves. The realization occurs. She is gone.

The phone calls begin, the doorbell is a constant back round noise. The hustle and bustle of people are no longer important, because the only footsteps you want to hear are gone.

The crowd begins to assemble. You preform the greatest mitzvah, the greatest good deed. Bury the dead. You slowly shovel 1, 2, 3 scoops of dirt onto the box of ashes that was once the person that gave you life. Your mother.

Piri Lanes 2/23/2010