Eloise

For those of you who don't know, my first car was a white Ford Explorer that we named Bruce. Bruce is very old and yesterday we sold him, well traded him in. We swapped him out for a black Honda Fit that we just named Eloise. She is perfect, she is small like me, and she is just wonderful. But I do miss Bruce, I cried when I gave over the keys.

On a separate note, my mothers sisters are planning a vacation for us girls. I am going to be careful how I word this because they read this.
Lately I have been having a hard time, for no reason in particular, but I am finding it hard for me to want to be apart of this trip, when I know this was something my mother always wanted us to do. I would have a wonderful time and I do not doubt that, but I would not like being there without her, and I am trying to figure out how to be apart of it, because I want to be. I want to be apart of her side, I want to have that connection, but I see her in them, and it makes it hard for me to be there. I do love them all with my entire heart, but I am unsure about everything right now...

New topic? OK! Well The Boy is The Boy, it is so unnerving to talk to him, I just want to yell at him most of the time. I don't I act like a perfect lady. But one of my friends from school, Kelsey, is trying to come out here and surprise me for my birthday. I know it doesn't sound like much of a surprise when I know about it, but it won't happen, so if it does it will be a HUGE surprise.

I love my aunts, I love my cousins, I love my entire family.

xoxo
Piri

Seriously?

It is another Wednesday afternoon at the Lanes house. Tyler is at piano, Jackson is at Hebrew school, Dad is with Natalie, and I just got home from tutoring.

Yesterday I had vocal rehearsal, the voice teacher Satyam, sells jewelry. I found a beautiful bracelet that I fell in love with. I bought it and the quote on it says, "When you see only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you." This is a bible quote, I'm Jewish, but I love it anyway! Valentines day was the six month mark for mom being gone. Last night I had a dream that she met The Boy, it was really nice.

I have a birthmark on my head that isn't causing to much panic to the doctors, but I am having it removed, I will be sedated and getting, I believe 18 or so stitches. They are shaving part of my head, and I will have a crescent moon shaped scar (I'm kind of excited for it).

Well I must go work on the history packet, I will drop in later to fully elaborate on my life!

xoxo
Piri

Gonna Live and Die N-F-T-Y

A journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step. I will never get over the death of my mother, but i will learn to cope and breathe without her here. This past weekend I went on a youth group retreat, it was the most fun I've had in a long time. Yes there were a few times where I cried, but my wonderful friends just held me and let me cry, they knew it was cleansing. I have become back in contact with the boy, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, he acts as if all is good, and it worries me. What if the situation were reversed an I was the girlfriend, I keep thinking about it like that. If I were stronger I would call him out on it and end it right here, but the truth is, he is a familiar face, a face that has caused me pain, but also a lot of joy and laughter. I'm scared to lose him. My NFTY weekend was amazing, I had a blast. I hung out with my greatest friends, I had a really good time. It was hard packing up and leaving, and coming back to reality where everything sucks, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected. I assumed I would fight with dad about going to school this morning, but I didn't, I just got up and did what I needed to do. There are little things through out my day which remind me of my childhood, which in turn reminds me of mom. For instance today I crunched on dry leaves outside school, and it made me remember the fall afternoons with mom, and really made me miss her, but I hope that wherever she is, she isn't in pain, and she knows that we miss her dearly.

Forgetfulness is my middle name. not really.

Well I am fully aware that I have not posted in a few weeks. Let me catch you up, everything has become stressful. I took my SAT's, I NEED to clean my room, I dyed my hair, I got a gym membership, I have three solo's in the show Treasure Island, and I haven't spoken to the boy in 2 or so weeks. But I must admit I do sometimes facebook stalk him. I went to an acupuncturist and she was very nice. So Valentines Day is just around the corner, what's everyone's plans? My friend Rachel is a planning a not valentines day party. Hope everyone has a good week, and I will be back with a more in depth overview very soon. xoxo

Haiti

Just a side note, I am very worried about the people of Haiti, so please everyone try and donate something. Every penny helps. you can call The Red Cross and donate over the phone, the number is 1-800-RED-CROSS. Thank you

Hot Chocolate and Snow Angels

If I lived somewhere other than Arizona I would be playing in the snow right now, but instead I'm getting soaked running to my car from wherever I am. I like the rain, don't get me wrong, but it's always nice to see snow. Snow just has this beauty that I'm drawn to. I wish I was in the snow, without a care in the world frolicking around like a little child, but I'm not a little child, I must wake up and go to school. On the subject of school, I hate it. I love the people, the teachers, the drama, all of it, but I HATE school, the act of going and learning just doesn't work for me, and don't get me started about how wrong I think it is that they can grade us on our ability to learn, I think that's just simply inhumane. As for the boy, I don't know. Last night Rachel and I went out to dinner and all we did was sit there and vent about boys for an hour, and when either of our phones rang we both jumped and hoped, or prayed that it would be him. See she wears her heart on her sleeve so I know how to handle her, but me, I'm just a mess up, I have walls for a reason, I choose to keep people out, it makes things easier, less to explain. Well to end this on a happy note, I have an audition today. I'm going to get back into the acting gig, I love it so much. Have a happy, healthy day. Piri

Just Watch Me.

Sitting there in history explaining to Lynda that I was going to take a boy hiatus, my phone buzzes. I look at it and it's a number I don't recognize, but I did recognize the area code. As I push view text, my heart was pounding, as the message loaded all these different thoughts and images raced through my head, the message loaded and it was three texts long, it was the apology and explanation I had been waiting for. As I sat there reading it over and over and over again, I couldn't bring myself to say I forgive you, I knew I should, I got what I wanted the apology and the reasoning, but I was still hurt. I waited a little while I composed myself and finally responded by saying, "Ok. So what's up?" I should have explained that I was still hurt, but I didn't want to go into that yet, I mean we hadn't spoken in two weeks. We had that basic conversation, I didn't want to ask about the other girl, and he didn't want to ask how I was holding up. He eventually did and I said I was just fine. I didn't ask about her. As I was laying in bed that night all I could think about was what had happened, and then it hit me, like a cinder block smashing on my head, nothing had happened, it had always been like this, just it was more obvious now than before, I had always been geographically undesirable because there was 900 miles between us! So I sat up and I declared that I wouldn't let this effect me anymore, I will still take my boy hiatus, and spend this wonderful long weekend with my loving aunt Deborah. Then this morning I woke up feeling better then I had in weeks, I still had a slight stomach ache, but that was cause I had a little bug. I felt wonderful, I got up and dressed, went to school had a good day, and then the group of us went out for lunch. I walked into Pei Wei feeling like nothing could hurt me anymore and then I looked around to see for open tables, and sitting there looking right back at me was the boy who I haven't spoken to since June, which was also the last time I saw him. He was the one who made me the horrible bitch I am. So obviously when I saw him I felt like throwing up, I thought I was going to puke all over the floor in Pei Wei, thankfully I was able to walk to my table, sit down, and avoid eye contact for the next 20 minutes. It was horrible. So now as I sit in my room looking at this horrible mess, knowing that it all has to be cleaned if I want to get onto my 4:20 pm flight to San Diego, I must go. So hope everyone has a great long weekend.
xoxo