It's like all 50 states are lined up one by one

While on the phone with my aunt today, I told her it was as if all 50 states were lined up one by one making it very hard to see each other. I try to talk to my aunts at least once a week, if that is through text, or phone call, or even facebook, I don't want the distance to keep us apart. I'm not sure what everything looks like right now, I have good days and bad days, I have good weeks and bad weeks, and sometimes I just need a break. I'm learning how to express my needs by saying what I need and not just getting upset when no one understands that I just need to be left alone. Hope this week brings wonderful new exciting experiences.

The Quote

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't."

I know understand why mother isn't here. Her work was complete. She touched the lives of many, changed the way people looked at things, and helped anyone she could. While in the hospital fighting for her own life, she made note cards, to brighten the day of other patients lives. She was a wonderful woman, and I miss her dearly. So mom, wherever you are, if you can see this, I love you so very much, and I'm sorry I didn't say it more often. I love you.

I survived swine '09

And 2010 has started off with a bang! Only three days back into school, and I have way too much homework, way too much stress, and way too many people I'm dealing with. I'm learning that I don't have to please everyone, but pleasing some is always beneficial. I'm getting back into the acting gig, I have an audition next week. And the SAT's. Crap. Those are going to be at 7"45 am, if I don't fail cause I didn't know the information, I'll fail cause it was just way to early to be having tests.

In life you have to try new things, so today I tried walking with my show laces tied together. So as you can imagine I looked like an idiot, and it didn't work. But I tried, and that was the point. What did you try today?

Hope everyone is having a great year, and everything is coming along nicely. Much love to my east coast family who I miss dearly.

Getting back into the swing of things

School is a six letter word for hell. As much as I love my teachers and friends, I absolutely despise the fact that I have to be graded on my knowledge. I do not think it's fair. I may not have the brains of a five year old, but I for sure don't have the brains of Albert Einstein. I do try, but it's hard to see that I try because I just fail at school. I ace the homework and presentations, but when it comes to the tests, oy, I'm a basket case. The only up side to school is the fact that I can sit around and hang with my friends and take my anger out on Alan. I went to a dinner meeting tonight for the Phoenix Theater and it was absolutely fantastic, I loved it. I think I am going to pick up acting again, I do miss it. Well until later. Arrivederci!

Life is like...

Sudoku. Everything works in the end, but it takes a few try's to get there. Today we went horseback riding, I had a blast. All I did was breathe and clear my head, it was wonderful. There are so many things I want to do with my life, that I'm starting to worry I wont be able to do any of them because there wont be enough time. I think I am going to try and talk dad into letting me do a six week summer program abroad, but I'm not sure. As for the boy, I'm figuring it out. I have the support of my wonderful family, and the constant encouragement from my cousin Danielle. I have been living in Arizona for 8 years now, that doesn't work for me. I need to move along. There are so many places I want to see that if I stay in one place for too long, I'll eventually lose the chance. It may sound like I am running away from things, but in reality I'm not. I just like change, it keeps things interesting. And for those of you who don't know me, I love when things are interesting. That's why I draw dinosaurs on my wall, and fish on my mirror. So go find your interesting thing and go for it!

The Saturday after

They say you are supposed to make each moment last, don't take anything for granted, and live like there's no tomorrow. Well I usually live my life like this, but lately I have been wondering if that really is the best idea. Take for example telling someone you are extremely mad at them, well it feels good in that second, but then the next day when you don't talk, it REALLY hurts. I don't think before i do things. If I'm mad at someone I tell them, but then I am disappointed or hurt when we don't talk the next day. It is a very interesting problem, because not living in the moment means I'll wait around, but living in the moment means sometimes I'll regret what I just did. I wonder if I will figure it out eventually.

And then there were none

As the cars start to pull away, and the folding chairs start closing, you know it's done. The family has all left, and the house is to quite. The Happy New Year's texts and Facebook messages have slowed and the new year has begone. I am spending today cleaning my room, because I would rather not start the year messy. I'm not sure what this year looks like for me. I plan on making it special, I will make it a point to just go, to not hold back, to make each day count. Cause really, what other way is there to live? As someone said, "Shoot for the moon, cause even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." Have a happy healthy safe wonderful 2010.