College, ugh.

I'm unsure about how I approach difficulties. I sometimes run, hide, cry, it just depends on the day. But when someone says "Piri, I need you to cancel all your plans because I need your help" I stop and help, it's not a difficulty it's just something I need to do. Lots of times in my life I have been thrown a curve ball, ya I try and catch it, but I never do, it skims my shoulder, hits me in the face, gets me I'm the stomach and knocks me out. It just depends on the day. I have weeks where it literally just feels like I am constantly being attacked my 100mph fast balls, but no one ever knows. I wonder, don't they see me, losing my breath, unable to take the next step, the bruises forming on my body, and yet no one does. I hide it well. I always have. It comes with the territory of knowing how to act. I know how to put on make up so well that I could have just been crying so hard snot was rolling down my face, and no one would know. You may say you would, but I've covered it up many times before. I try not to be upset my the fact no one notices, but really I should be proud, I can cover it up. I stress about the little things now, like what pencil am I going to use today, what drink will I take for lunch. I've given up the large things, my bedroom, my car, my life kinda, it's not worth the fight. And lately when those assholes just piss me off, all I can do is scream. I'm not sure what the next six months looks like. But we will sure as hell find out. But I guess that's the point, every difficulty every obstacle is different. You need to know how to handle that one, specifically.